I Can't Make You Love Me
by becomeafan
Summary: I'll close my eyes, 'cause then, I won't see the love you don't feel when you're home with me.


I do not own Bleach.

Song: I Can't Make You Love Me by Adele.

* * *

 _I never voiced it out to you._

 _I never told you just how much it hurts me when your smile doesn't reach your eyes. I never told you how much it hurts me when you murmur her name in your sleep, how your fingers will twitch and you would turn your head ever so slightly as if you were reaching out to her. I never told you how much it hurts that whenever your lips touch mine you wish it were her lips you are tasting. I never told you how much it hurt seeing you leave early in the morning, every single day, to quickly visit her._

 _I never told you just how much I wished I was her instead._

Turn down the lights

Turn down the bed

Turn down these voices

Inside my head

Lay down with me

Tell me no lies

Just hold me closely

Don't patronize

Don't patronize me

She stared at the ceiling as she waited for her husband to arrive. It was almost a quarter till midnight yet he is still not home. Fingers clutched soft white quilt as her mind wanders to the only possible he could have gone to. She knows for a fact that he had already finished his paperwork because he almost never leaves the confinement of his office unless he was called forth for a meeting by the captain-commander. Matsumoto also said the he left the division early. His vice-captain tried to ease her worries but even she is very much aware of what her captain has been up to.

Sighing, she turned to her side and let her right hand graze on his pillow. Her thoughts felt like shards against her heart. Was it always going to be like this? Can she truly be happy by his side? Will he be happy by hers?

They have been married for three years. Getting married to Toushiro Hitsugaya was dream come true. She loved him for so long. Their wedding day was the happiest day of her life! Everyone can see the happiness that was sparkling in her eyes. She felt content, it was as if nothing else can break them apart. But, she then realized her mistake. She let her happiness blind her of the truth, of what was not there. When he first asked her out on a date, she felt so pleased that she immediately said yes. She was elated to know that he was finally taking an interest in her, and she no longer cared about anything else. He liked her, she keeps on telling herself, why else would he ask her out?

 _Stupid girl._

He was lonely. Toushiro has always been a gentleman towards her. Gone was the boy who used to fight with and tease her so much. He has grown into someone he should not have been. His actions are careful. He rarely spoke and smiled. Whenever they are together, it was as if she was with a different person. It was in the second year of their marriage that she came to an understanding that the boy she fell in love with has been long gone.

 _He died with her._

She laughed bitterly when her cheek felt the damp linen of her pillow. She turned on her back and raised hair arm over forehead, "All these years... after all these years I'm still no match to you, huh?"

She continued to cry, "Give him back to me, please? I'll love him more than you could ever do!"

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

You can't make your heart feel

Somethin' that it won't

And here in the dark, in these final hours

I will lay down my heart

And I will feel the power but you won't

No you won't

'Cause I can't make you love me

When you don't

When you don't

Yeah

When she woke up after crying herself to sleep, he was already lying beside her. She sat up slightly and looked at his handsome face. How could she even think about letting this man go? She only fell for him more and more with each passing day. No man can even begin to compare to her husband. Toushiro has given her the understanding and care she needed since they first started dating. He treated her with utmost respect, letting her do whatever she desires, silently supporting her aspirations. He made sure to provide her with all her needs and wants. He protected her from all the things that could possible hurt her. But, despite all these there is one thing Toushiro can never give her.

Carefully as to not wake him, she scooted over to his side and wrapped her arm around his waist. She laid her head over his chest and entangled her legs over his. She slowly breathed in his musky scent. He smelled of flowers and her favorite fruit.

 _Why can't you love me? What else can I do for you to give me a small space in your heart?_

I'll close my eyes

'Cause then I won't see

The love you don't feel

When you're home with me

Morning will come

And I'll do what's right

Just give me till then

To give up this fight

And I will give up this fight

"I'm sorry."

She gasps softly as his arms enveloped her in a warm embrace. She cried. He was apologizing for asking her out when he was clearly not yet ready to move on. He was apologizing for letting their relationship last as long as it did. He was apologizing for not being able to love her like she wanted. He was apologizing for not trying hard enough, for giving up.

Her smile, her laughter, her voice- everything about her still haunts him, day and night. He cannot escape his feelings for her no matter how hard he tries and damnit God knows he's doing everything he can to forget about her. But, every time he does, every moment that he feels he is close enough in letting her go their memories comes flooding right back to him like a river of ice cold water.

He knows it was wrong to lead his wife on for so long. He was not being fair to her. She loves him but he does not feel the same towards her. Before, he truly believed that he would eventually learn to love his wife. She was one of the people he held a genuine friendship with, and he firmly held on to that fact. He chose her because she was the complete contrast of the girl her loves. The girl whose headstone he can only visit now.

Every morning, he would wake up early and buy some peaches in the market along with a bouquet of fresh flowers. Toushiro would spend the morning beside her grave while munching on the fruit he bought for her and reminisce about their fondest memories. He will talk to her about his dreams which only consisted of her. He eventually leaves for work once the sun rises, and promises her that he would come back at night before going home.

This has been his routine ever since she died. He always found it difficult to leave her side. Her absence brought something more than just a physical ache. He tried so hard to find some happiness through other people but it only led to him fooling himself and hurting his wife.

"I am so sorry, Karin," he whispered and softly kissed the top of her head.

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

You can't make your heart feel

Somethin' that it won't

And here in the dark, in these final hours

I will lay down my heart

I will feel the power but you won't

No you won't

'Cause I can't make you love me

When you don't

When you don't

She cried harder as he apologized for the second time that night. By morning, her fairytale dream would come to an end. She can no longer make herself believe that he would love her someday. Momo will always be the love of his life, and finally, she learned to accept that.

* * *

Been a very long time since I wrote a story. I know I've become rusty.


End file.
